What a Ride

I like to use this blog as my journal as well. Today was a very extremely emotional day for me. It didn't help that I had not slept in two days due to Remi and her UTI that made her very sick. That was the kickstarter. I have been very miserable with this pregnancy more than the others. He is very active which in return is painful for me at times. I have a lot of pressure going on. I had a visit today with the doctor and had an ultrasound done. The placenta finally decided to move completely. "What the hell", are the words that went through my mind. I knew the date would be pushed back. I was SO ready to have the c section this Tuesday.  6 days have now turned into 18 days. I knew the news was good news. It's what we have been wanting but at this stage we were ready in a lot of ways to get him here. The doctor was apologetic and could tell I was sad. I understand that it's better for him and me for him to stay as long as he can, but all my plans have now been changed. I have to endure the pain longer, I have to be down when I want to be there for my girls. I won't be able to help Remi with her first ever costume day at school, I will miss Avery at the school parade, they won't get the annual pumpkin carving party, and I have to be down for Halloween and having my little family moments and traditions. I feel at times people feel put out or that it is made about them when it is about me and the baby and our health. I miss my Mom and my Dad to the extreme today. When I want and need to talk to them sometimes I am not able to due to time difference.  I called my Aunt Carleen and just bawled to her and talked about everything.  I have cried my eyes out today. I did text my Mom and let her know the situation and she sent me such a comforting response that I will share, " That is super great news! An answer to our prayers honey.  We did not want any complications with the placenta, we have been praying for it to move. So please count your blessings and remember it's The Lord's time table.  Maybe Riggs wasn't quite ready to come then and would be in ICU.  We don't know all but we need to look upward and find peace.  He loves you. You are his special daughter I know that.  You can do this. I'm right here everyday loving you and praying for you.  Love, your best friend Mom" I know from other experiences in my life and the life of my family that we don't know the whole picture of things and don't understand why but our Heavenly Father and Savior do and the things happen for a reason. I am grateful for the trials and hardships that make me stronger. I kind of wish I could spend the next 18 days by my parents side in Sweden to help with the work and to keep me busy and surrounded by love. I will still struggle with the little things mentioned because they are important to me and it's the little things that matter most.